he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
