the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
