he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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