I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
