im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
