Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
