Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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