Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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