I think i peed on brittanys purse
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
