no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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