the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
