need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
