youre lurking in front of me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
