This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
