I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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