They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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