sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
