And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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