All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
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hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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