I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I want a musical about memes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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