So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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