Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
