very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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