I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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