First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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