Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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