Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
