I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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