i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
