well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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