I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The adults are the big ones right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
