He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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