How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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