flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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