bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
