And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
