Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's official drugs can't kill me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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