I think I am morally bankrupt
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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