I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
