There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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