Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
