watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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