david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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