yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
