listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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