I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
