you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
