he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
