Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When are your genitals available?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
