Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
