Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
