I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
