This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
