I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
