So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
