is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
