I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
two words: eviction party
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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