she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
