i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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