its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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